


Fool's Gold

by lonelymisfit



Series: A love story through songs [4]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Heavy Angst, I don't know what to tag again, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-03-22 06:08:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13757916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelymisfit/pseuds/lonelymisfit
Summary: Have you ever fallen for someone that was right in front of you yet you could never hold them? They are living, breathing but it's not for you. Yet every waking second you lie there with your eyes closed thinking about what it would be like having them in your arms and being the sole reason for every breath they take.Or the very emotional story about how "Fool's Gold" came along.





	Fool's Gold

Time slipped away from them, maybe not all at once but gradually and slowly which made the pain a bit more to bare. To some they appeared to be thriving, no one ever cares what a person in the spotlight has to go through in their everyday life so as long as that person continues to give the public what they wanted.

It’s always been a strain on their relationship, even from the beginning when they were nothing but friends, the rumours would start spreading and though some believed and supported the idea there were others who was repulsed by the mere thought of them being together. Some even claiming to not care for the rumours and stayed for the music but even so it spread like wildfire, at one point it had been too much for their label, stating that things needed to change. Even though Harry _would_ like to think they started drifting apart simply because they grew up and wanted different things, however, he’s not going to act like the label wasn’t part of that reason either.

In order to get this across properly we must go back to the source or rather to the very beginning when things started.

There wasn’t a specific time that it happened but Harry remembered it was raining that day and he woke Louis up by bringing him tea in bed. Louis had just smiled accepting the cup and even though back then Harry didn’t think twice about his behaviour he’d discover a little while after why Louis was acting this way towards him.

They both got the same phone call, he remembers Louis going outside to talk which was also something he never normally do and again at the time Harry just thought he was having one of those off days so it was understandable. He didn’t push Louis with questions and demanded answers. He didn’t say anything actually after that phone call.

 They were requested in the headquarters for a “meeting.”

He remembers they called him in first and though he demanded for Louis to be present in the room with him, they had refused politely. (According to _their_ definition of polite) They started off by talking about the band’s impact on the industry and how their status was growing rather quickly. It had made Harry smile, it was the only thing that made him smile that day. Afterwards they dove straight to the point. They didn’t like the way he was with Louis. Whatever that could possibly mean. They said it sent a wrong message to the demographic which was mainly teenage girls who for the most part fantasized about _being_ with them.

Of course it confused Harry. It would have for many people, he just wanted to understand why being close friends with another boy would put people off. The fans loved their music, they loved the interaction between the boys he just didn’t get why it was such a problem for only him and Louis.  

He didn’t have anything to say, how could he? He left the room, a mix of confusion and anger filled his mind but mostly he felt defeated and depressed. And though he knew all he needed to make this all go away was Louis, he couldn’t even have that.

He remembers the look on Louis’ face when he walked out that dreadful room and had sprang to his feet worried about what had happened and all Harry could do at the time was just give him a pitiful look while being escorted outside by a group of men. Louis’ face falls and right then and there he knew things were about to change. The last thing he saw was Louis entering the same room to meet a fate similar to his.

That evening he couldn’t possibly stand to see Louis, can’t stand to be the reason Louis lost the glow on his face or the warmth is his skin. Harry did the only thing at the time that made total sense to him. He ran. Well hypothetically, he actually flew. Hopped on a plane and travelled to the other side of the world. It was low-key of course and though he didn’t get any calls from Louis those days he spent away he knew it was the beginning to their end.

It had been exactly two weeks being away from each other when Harry finally returned to their home. Everything had seemed distant and almost other worldly. The sofa they spent so many nights on playing video games and other nights when Harry would watch Louis react to the movies that were on, seemed like a faded memory, and the kitchen where Louis would sit on the counter throwing bits of food in Harry’s hair while he waits for him to finish cooking, seemed like a dream or something his brain made up. What was even more horrifying was that the place was vacant. No sign of Louis. None of his clothes were scattered on the floors, no dirty dishes in the sink and none of the ever bearing scent of his musky cologne in the air.

Harry had forced the tears away and even spent the night in Louis’ vacant room trying to remember his scent.

The following week things just became a bit too much at an alarming rate. One day Harry was actually able to fall asleep by himself and the next he’s being introduced to Louis’ new girlfriend. The boys seemed just as surprised and they all gave him looks like he was expected to know Louis was seeing someone. He didn’t need an explanation for it, he didn’t think he’d be able to handle knowing this new formed alliance. He didn’t want to know about some girl Louis met. Instead he just plastered a smile on his face and avoided the stares from the other boys.

Louis however didn’t seem affected that Harry was basically missing for a week, he still looks radiant and beautiful and Harry felt elated that Louis was not experiencing the things he was at the time. Pain. Yearning. Sorrow and Fear.

He watched as one by one the boys left, the last was Louis and who he’s come to know as Eleanor by his side.

“I-“but Louis stops himself when Eleanor turns around to see why he stopped walking. It was the first proper time they’ve seen each other since the meeting. And in that moment it was all too clear to Harry. Why he ran when they told him he needed to stay away from Louis and why he felt like a piece of himself was missing when he went away thinking the further he was the less it would affect him. It didn’t. It followed him everywhere like a shadow lurking in the dark and looming over his shoulders, whispering in his ears and kept him up at night. No matter how much he tried to turn it off he was not able to hide from himself and now possibly from Louis. He was in love with him. He loves Louis and he hates that this is what they have become, what destiny held for them. Of course without the interruption of the label Harry still wasn’t sure about his feelings for Louis. Did he feel the same? Did he know how Harry felt? Can see tell how much it hurts?

Unrequited.

Even though the label made it clear that things needed to change between them it didn’t stop Louis from invading his dreams or taking away his sleep, it didn’t stop the pain that Harry felt knowing that he fell for his best friend, that he has possibly ruined any sort of future between them. And the thing is Louis was so happy with _her._ He’d be selfish to try and take that away.

He watched as Louis walked away with her, hand in hand and in their own little world forgetting Harry and how his world seemed to all come crashing down.

That’s when things started getting a bit out of control. Harry drove himself to believe that if he was totally consumed into something he loved then the pain would fade, but as time pass all that theory turned out to be was total bullshit. However, not entirely so, because with the duration of time he spent in the studio he had managed to write a bunch of songs. Most of which he had to keep to himself.  The theme mostly centered about a grieving person trying to move on from a love that was not his to begin with. Subtly be damned. Harry doesn’t know how to be subtle, or quiet about how he feels.

He hadn’t heard from Louis in all this time. They haven’t spoken truly alone and when they do, there was either someone there with them or mostly occurred in front a camera.

It wasn’t until Harry hadn’t shown up for a rehearsal one day and all the other boys thought it was wise to visit his house. He bought a little place after Louis decided to move out from their previous one. It didn’t make any sense to stay in that house knowing it held so many Louis and Harry memories. And though Louis didn’t actually mention it to him that he was moving out he knew better than to bring that subject up in a conversation.

He’d imagine the struggle to get Louis to agree to come but he showed up with them anyway.

He had told them that he got up with a scratchy throat and didn’t want to risk anything by straining his voice. When they asked why he didn’t try to call any of them, Niall mostly suggesting why Louis didn’t know anything Harry just told him that his phone died.

They believed him and made that night one of a sleep over.

It was just like the good old days when they had just been made a group and Harry was so excited to have new friends he invited them to his step father’s cabin. They spent two weeks getting to know each other and though the retreat was to write music and rehearse all they did was clown about and watched old movies, plays pranks on each other, and figuring out that Louis was just the best person Harry had ever met.

They had ordered pizza and Liam had suggested they watch movies together.

The contract that he signed did state that he needed to stay away from Louis but only when it’s a one on one interaction. He figured since the other boys was there it was fine. He thought this was a loophole and though he’d like to believe that on that particular night something would have changed between them he was sadly mistaken.

It started with the seating arrangements first, when Niall pointed out that Louis and Harry always took the love seat when they watch movies. Liam had shrugged and moved to the ground making space so Harry can sit next to Louis. He didn’t think the boys had any clue what was happening at the time and it made him feel like this secret was betraying them all. What hurts though is how all of the boys knew what they were, how easy it was for them to say that a particular thing is what Harry and Louis would do or how it didn’t seem to affect them one bit, how they didn’t blink an eye and somehow it weakened the way Harry saw it because he just didn’t understand that if his boys were okay with Louis and him being close then why was it such a problem to the public? Or their label?

It didn’t stop there. After awkwardly trying to sit next to Louis without his piercing eyes burning the side of Harry’s face, Zayn had pointed out how they didn’t do _the thing_. And it’s a stupid thing even from back then, it was just a ridiculous thing him and Louis used to do and he wished the boys didn’t have to bring it up.

He’s trying his best to not look affected but even more so his throat felt like sand getting lodged in and he was forcing himself to swallow but nothing would happen.

“It’s stupid we don’t do that anymore” Louis was the one that answered. And even though he knew it was stupid hearing Louis actually say it hurt him more than he thought it would.

“But you do it with me all the time” And it’s that response rendered him speechless and made everything in him shut down. Because even though it was a stupid ritual they made up that weekend at Robin’s cabin, it stayed between them, made them feel connected somehow and though Louis had called their little handshake stupid he still continued to do it with the other boys.

“Are you okay?” And he had known that Liam meant that in the most concerned and perplexed way because when he looked at him sitting on the floor, they didn’t use words because Liam saw it in his eyes and he understood. He knew what was happening between them and he knew Harry didn’t want to address it, especially in a room where Louis was still in.

They left that morning probably with a hundred questions on their tongues never actually leaving their mouths. Louis didn’t even think twice to look back not even once when he left. And Harry didn’t try to stop himself from crying that night.

It happened again a few weeks after the sleep over, this time when they were all backstage waiting to perform for the first time on the Today show. Harry was getting his hair done while Louis lay there on the couch half asleep, his hands folded against his chest, tucked over himself. When Harry had finished and made way for Niall to get his hair done, Zayn had said it when he saw Harry take the seat on the other side of Louis.

“You two don’t cuddle anymore?” This time Liam wasn’t there to stop the awkwardness Harry felt or save him from answering the question. Zayn had stood in the same spot looking at him patiently waiting for a response.

“He’s sick” And he doesn’t even know that Louis is sick but he wants this conversation to end and he wants Zayn to take his answer and just drop it but he replies and Harry is dug deeper in this hole and he can’t get out.

“Didn’t stop you before” Harry hates how true that was. How even though Louis was sick he’d still kiss his cheeks and hug him, cuddle him and feed him soup, make him tea and watch him fall asleep. He took a deep breath feeling his eyes already wet and blurred.

“It’s different now” He croaks and he thinks Zayn can sense his displeasure because hands were draped over him when he opened his eyes. Zayn was patting him on the back and he had that same look on his face Liam had that night and though he never said anything after that he knew Zayn also understood.

When the boys first found out what was actually happening between Louis and Harry was pretty fucking hilarious. And it’s only because Harry decided to say _fuck it_ and invite everyone he knew to an exclusive VIP party he planned.

He was drunk of course and he knew he said somethings he could never take back and it would forever remain the night the boys found out that he was in love with Louis Tomlinson.

He think Niall cried but it was probably just the alcohol.

“Did you at least tell him? Is that why he’s been acting this way?” It was Liam or maybe Zayn that had asked him that question which prompted him to take his shirt off and dance on his glass table which would eventually see its end in the morning.

“I can’t tell him” He had whispered to Liam after the high was gone and he felt nothing but dizziness and sleep. Most of the people already gone. Louis didn’t even show up at his party. He remembered feeling numb. Then again he didn’t think he extended an invitation to Louis anyway.

He’s sure he heard Liam ask why but even if he didn’t Harry still gave him an answer.

“Because of her” Was all he said before he would initially feel nothing but darkness.

 

…

 

The first time he officially met Eleanor was at a very convenient meet up arranged by their team. Something about if he was seen with her the public’s speculation of him being envious towards her would die out.

It wasn’t even a big set up, they told him to go to Tesco’s and just be seen shopping and the rest they’ll take care of. He didn’t even get to actually see Louis that day. But the next morning he would see pictures of him in the grocery accompanied by Louis and his lovely girlfriend that is according to the article he read.

He didn’t think the pictures served to quiet the public because people were still convinced that he and Louis were hiding the fact that they were in a relationship and using Eleanor as a cover up. And though he would have loved for that to be the truth it was simply not. And he can never forgive himself for thinking about all the times he’s ever misconstrued a gentle touch to mean something more. The point will always remain he loved Louis Tomlinson and in return he can never have that love being received and he was okay with that. It’s probably been the hardest thing to come to terms with but it is what it is.

The boys seemed to pity him a lot since they found out about his feelings for Louis which would only serve for him to bolt when he got the time. Always travelling and trying to stay as far as possible from anything remotely linked to Louis. But the thing is everything somehow came back to Louis. The odd shaped cloud in the sky reminded him of how soft Louis was and the bluest of skies reflected his eyes Harry spent numerous nights trying to describe the colour of, the burning sunlight heating up his skin was Louis because he was the only thing that was constant in Harry’s life. He brought light with him wherever he went and now that light is gone and all that is left is the aftermath of a storm in Harry’s eyes, trying to find his bit of sunlight again, hoping that with the end of the storm always follows the sun.

It didn’t truly become better after that and he was a fool for even entertaining the idea that this was going to blow over. The people kept talking, the band was growing and Harry was still a single man. The management’s initial plan was if Harry remained a bachelor the general public would be more open to the idea that somehow they have a chance with him and in turn this is what sells. It was ridiculous but it is what worked for so long. It wasn’t until the rumours were too much that they had decided for him to actually get into a relationship.

The meeting was basically him picking from a list of celebrities that was willing to go out with him for money. They were people who actually faked being together so media had something to talk about which according to them means “exposure.”

He’d always like Taylor Swift. She was outstanding and gorgeous, her music touched the hearts of many and she was one of those girls that truly wasn’t influenced and ruined because of this type of industry. It’s why Harry had chosen her.

They had advised him to subtly mention Taylor in their interviews as to plant the idea before actually going ahead with it.

Of course a lot of people talked about it. Taylor was one of the most vocal female artists at the time, she had a new album coming out and One Direction also had a new album they were working on. It was the perfect time for the emergence of a new Hollywood couple.

There first sighting was out of all the places, a fucking park. Harry remembered his reaction when they mentioned it to him. Still he allowed the idea of this being beneficial for his career float in his head.

He met Taylor where about ten photographers were taking pictures of them walking around the park. They didn’t speak much and Taylor wasn’t what Harry was expecting. She seemed like a genuine pro at this when he had no clue if to hold her hand or look at her, if he was crossing boundaries by trying to start a conversation with her, nothing. At the end of the day however, their little walk in the park had taken the media by storm.

Everyone was itching to know more about the new young couple which they would later be called “Haylor” much like the new Brangelina.

 _Haylor_ was the perfect success, having all the media’s and public’s attention which helped both parties achieve their sale goals.

The boys though, they knew what he was doing was a set up and Zayn had told him that it would only hurt him more by pretending that everything was fine.

It did take up most of his time and at least it wasn’t wandering on blue eyes and skin that matched the sunlight.

“So you’ll come right?” It was Niall asking him for the tenth time in the last hour. They were all planning on going up to Louis’ house to watch some football match Niall insisted on that was important.

He didn’t have plans but it would be the first time he went to Louis’ house since everything and not only was he having trouble coming to terms of him being in the same room with Louis after so long but also it would mean being in a room alone with _her_ as well.  It took Harry long to give a response so Niall added,

“You can tell Taylor if you want” And that was the last thought on his mind. He would never disrespect Louis by doing that, even though he knows it wouldn’t offend him but he’s heard through the boys that Louis wasn’t the biggest fan of Taylor.

He nodded though and left.

That night turned out to be a disaster but he wasn’t expecting it any other way.

Here’s how it went.

“Who brings wine at a party?” That was the first thing Eleanor had said to him, making all her friends around her laugh. Harry felt way over his head walking into this place and he knew it was a bad idea from the start.

“Don’t you have to go powder your nose or something?” Louis was the one who emerged like a beacon of light through the thick throng of people. Harry felt himself smile because Louis actually defended him in front of all his new friends.

“Was that a cocaine joke?” One of the men in the crowd says making Louis roll his eyes.

“Thanks for coming” He smiles taking the wine from Harry’s hand “also thanks for the wine.” He escorts Harry to the kitchen and though Harry would like to think he could keep his eyes from wandering down Louis’ body he shamelessly soaked in the luscious sight of his thighs in those blue faded jeans and how his back muscles strained when he stretched.

“I think the boys are by the pool” Louis announces when they’re in the kitchen, crowded with half drunken people, the other half making out or either trying to make conversation over the blearing of music coming from the living room.

“Do you want anything to drink? Vodka maybe?” He knew Harry wasn’t much of a drinker and that was solely because he never liked the taste of alcohol and he never could understand how anyone can drink something so horrible tasting and like it.

“What are you drinking?” He doesn’t even realise what he’s doing until he’s holding Louis’ hand with the cup and smelling the liquid substance inside. He’s definitely too close to him, he can smell his cologne, the same one he’s always known Louis to wear. Louis is looking at him and it’s as if time around stops, the music fades and the faces around them becomes blurred. Harry can feel Louis’ hand shaking under his and he’s sure Louis can sense the way his heart starts beating faster. The moment is gone when Louis pulls his hand away taking a sip from the cup.

“Don’t tell Niall but its water” Harry smiles and nods trying to tell Louis he wouldn’t out him to Niall. “I know I’m supposed to be enjoying this party and get shitfaced but I haven’t had alcohol in so long” He’s rambling as though Harry asked for an explanation.

“I’ll have what you’re having then” Harry easily says as he watches Louis for a minute unmoving before he springs into action going over to the fridge to grab him a bottle water.

“Can I say something?” Louis hands him the bottle jumping on the marble counter to take a seat. “I honestly didn’t think you’d be here” Harry frowns because in a way he was right, it took all his will power to get off his bed and decide to get dressed.

“Why?” Louis shakes his head taking another sip from his cup.

“I meant that I didn’t expect you to be here-“he stops himself kind of gesturing with his hands hoping Harry gets what he means but like always Harry is totally lost and confused. “Alone” Louis finishes however looking out to the crowd for a minute.

He had to bring up Taylor, of course he’s known what’s been happening with Harry and his relationship, it’s all over the internet he just didn’t think Louis cared to know.

“Yeah” Was all Harry could provide for an answer. He opens the bottle to take a sip. Louis seemed to be agitated with his answer because he hops off the counter and discards his cup.

“Right well enjoy the party” His tone is clipped when he walks off and leaves Harry standing there in the kitchen.

He was left with nothing but to venture off by the pool to see if the other boys were there.

Niall spotted him first calling him over to a circle of people who seem to be in the middle of a game.

“You made it!” Niall had said forcing him to sit without any clue what was happening or what game they were playing.

“Alright Nialler I dare you to jump in the pool” One girl tells him which makes Niall scuff running off and jumping into the pool, fully clothed. So they were playing truth or dare, like a classic, clichéd house party game. He feels like he’s in uni.

Niall comes back dripping wet sitting next to Harry once more.

“Your turn. I dare you to climb that tree and stay there for five minutes” the same girl who dared Niall starts laughing, downing her drink and taking off her jacket to prepare herself to climb. After that the game was just filled with impossibly foolish dares that Harry wanted no part of. He was happy being a spectator.

“Okay Harry your turn” His head snaps at his name looking across to see who called him. Eleanor is there smiling ear to ear watching him like a hawk.

“I’m happy just watching” He didn’t even know when she became part of the game and he doesn’t want to think about her personal vendetta on him and he certainly doesn’t want to start something that he knows would end badly for both of them. Louis isn’t around either which makes this seem worse.

“Everyone in the circle plays” Harry huffs clearly not impressed with this girl, shifting so he breaks the little huddle they were in. He swears he sees her roll her eyes and it’s only then does he notice she’s drinking wine. And he’s sure it’s the same wine he brought tonight. After she made that comment she still appreciated the wine or maybe she was just doing it to get a raise out of him which for now is actually starting to work.

“Fine, whose turn is it then?” She says next, one of the boys next to her raises his hand as she proceeds to tell him his dare. He doesn’t hear as she leans over to whisper it to him, the rest of the players protesting because it is not a conspiring kind of game, nonetheless she smiles handing him the glass of wine she’s drinking.

He knows what’s about to happen yet he didn’t have the energy in him to move. The boy walks up to him and empties the glass of wine down on his shirt, soaking the white material and leaving a trial of darken purple in the middle. Harry wasn’t sure if he started crying at that time but he felt absolutely foolish and broken. Why did this girl have such a problem with him? He could hear Niall cursing in the background and next he’s being escorted back into the house. Niall carries him upstairs and into a room he can only assume is Louis’. He sits frozen in the bed as Niall exits with his dirty shirt. He’s half naked and cold and all he wants right now is to leave. He hears faint voices then the loud slam of a door. When he looks up startled, Louis is standing in the room staring at him. His first instinct was to get off the bed but because he’s uncoordinated he trips on his own feet and falls face first on the ground. Louis rushes by his side and helps him up.

“Are you okay?” He whispers helping Harry to sit on the bed once more. He’s still shirtless and cold but the spot where Louis is touching him on his arm is burning and he wants to feel like that in his entire body. Instead they fall silent for some time, Harry breathing way too loudly and Louis being way too quiet. “I-I didn’t know you were in here” Harry can’t even look at him. When he doesn’t say anything Louis continues, “I just wanted a bit of quiet for a minute” He makes to get off and Harry grabs his hand. Louis turns to look at Harry’s hand squeezing his.

“Just take my sheets out after” Was what Louis had told him before prizing his hand out of Harry’s and walking outside, leaving Harry gob smacked at the thought of him going into his room to have sex. Harry feels sick. He stumbles out the door trying to catch sight of Louis, maybe somehow explain himself, tell him how his so called girlfriend is a fucking nasty bitch and she somehow cooked some plan for both of them to become enemies. Tell him that he’s the one that he loves and there is no other person that his heart beats for. Louis is nowhere to be seen, probably ran back to her. Harry feels the tears rolling down his cheeks, it hurts, it’s the first time any indirect implication about his sex life cut through his skin and tears at his heart. And it’s too late to turn back time. Too late to change how Louis sees him. Too late for everything.

 

…

 

It’s the first time in months that Harry has seen this much sunlight in one place. In a way it feels good to be back in this state. He’s missed the people and he guesses the weather kind of reflects his feelings. All sunshine and happiness. What he’s happy for is somewhat unclear but he feels totally freeing now that he is far away from London and the gloomy atmosphere.

He’s decided a few times that there was no use crying over spilt milk. No use pining and suffering over something that clearly doesn’t affected anyone else but himself. He decided that this was toxic to his health and he should be out there living life and meeting new people, trying new things, celebrate the release of their second album, get excited for their upcoming tour and not just sit around feeling sorry for himself because he fell in love with the wrong person.

It happens all the time. To so many people. From ancient history there were people who fell for someone who they could never have and all those stories ended the same way or similarly. That’s not the kind of life Harry wanted.

So he’s decided to live his life and forget Louis Tomlinson. It’s better said than done though. Not when he has to see that face almost every day of his life.

Not when there is always a constant reminder, like a sign in flashing lights- running through his head- that he was in love with Louis, not when the boys always give him pitiful looks whenever she was around and not when Louis would sometimes try to talk to him, often times when the place is cleared out and there isn’t much people around, and not when Harry finds an excuse to weave his way out of being alone with Louis anywhere. He knows he cannot handle a one on one conversation with him. Not when the words are not what he wants to hear.

“You’ve honestly got to stop acting like a kicked puppy every time El is around him” Niall brings it up one day when they were playing football in the backstage room. Louis is sitting right on the couch with her next to him, he’s talking to Zayn and not even paying attention to her, acts like she doesn’t even exist and Harry really isn’t imagining this, it’s the truth. He also tries to ignore the way Niall has nicknames for her and looks at him expressionless.

“I’m not even looking at him” he makes his point by staring into the eyes of Niall.

It wasn’t helping because Niall pats him on the shoulder sliding off the couch handle to sit next to him.

“You’re always looking at him” Niall shakes his head. It’s not like he’s lying or anything, Louis is just a person to sit and look at. It’s just fascinating to watch the way he is. That’s all.

“Have you tried talking to him?” Harry takes a look at Louis again and he sees when she hands him the bottle of water she’s drinking, he lifts it to his lips and takes a sip. A simple thing like that shouldn’t make Harry feel like throwing up but it did and he has to divert his eyes and think of something else, anything else.

“I don’t think that would change anything.” Niall gives him a narrow stare before turning to interrupt Louis and Zayn’s conversation.

“Hey Lou” when Louis turns to face them Harry feels his heart fall to the pit of his stomach, something close to fear bubbling inside him. “Harry and I are going to get food wanna come?” Louis doesn’t hesitate to agree, which makes Harry even tenser.

“Don’t I get an invite?” Zayn fake pouts but Harry is pretty sure he’s in on this plot with Niall to get him and Louis in an enclosed space together that is judging from the wink he sends Niall’s way.

Louis stands fixing his shirt when Eleanor pulls his arm, he ducks to hear what she’s saying which was apparently not worthy of any others ears but Louis.

“It’s a guy thing El, I won’t be too long” Harry makes the mistake to find Eleanor’s eyes across the room, she’s clearly unimpressed Louis is leaving her alone, almost sending deathly glares at Harry.

The three of them stroll outside nearing Niall’s car. Niall makes a dramatic scene by patting his pockets seeming like he can’t find what he’s looking for.

“Shit!” He giggles “Left me keys back there.” Niall goes to run off when Louis stops him.

“I’ve got mine with me. We’ll just take my car.”

“No Lou, you’re not driving. Last time you drove I saw my life flash before my eyes.” Harry couldn’t help but snort at Niall’s comment. Louis was a reckless driver, the last time they attempted a road trip and declared Louis their driver they ended up with an overheated engine and an almost flat tire.

“I’m not a bad driver” Louis almost pouts looking unimpressed at Niall.

“You are.” Harry says under his breath but apparently not quiet enough because Louis definitely heard him and Niall also which would explain why he burst out laughing.

“Well if it wasn’t for you always in the front seat distracting me then maybe I wouldn’t be so bad.” Louis shoots back and Harry doesn’t think twice to reply. It almost feels like old times. When they would both banter back and forth and laugh and just have fun.

“Can’t help that I have these irresistible dimples” He doesn’t even realise what he’s saying until he opens his eyes, fingers stuck on his face pointing to his dimples to see Louis’ smile fade, ever so slowly. Niall isn’t even with them anymore.

They don’t say anything after that, lunch long but forgotten. Harry watches by the parking lot as Louis walks back to the building with his head casted to the ground.

 

 

…

He wakes up gasping for breath. It’s the third time this week he’s been getting these. The night terrors are back and he wakes up disoriented and when he realises Louis isn’t there, that no one is there he cries because it’s the only thing he can do that makes him _feel._

The fact that he still cannot find slumber with the absence of Louis is plain ridiculous as he wipes at his tired eyes while attempting to sit up in his bed.

 

Thoughts of Louis rushing into his room when he hears Harry scream, frantically clutching his face and rubbing soothingly at the soft skin under his eyes, trying desperately to ensure Harry that he was alright. It just isn’t the same anymore.

He feels the tears and he did nothing to stop them.

The next day he’s sitting lifeless on the backstage sofa waiting for the call to go on stage.

Liam hugs him for a moment because of course _she_ is here to see the show. His head hurts and to avoid anything he lies back and put headphones on drowning out everything and anything.

It’s only went he feels a brush on his forehead does he open his eyes to see Louis. Sweet, beautiful Louis looming over him, his sweet scent infiltrating Harry’s senses and the little frown on his face makes Harry feel like screaming yet he continues to stare at him without trying to say something.

“Are you okay to go out tonight?” Louis whispers too close to his face. Harry can smell the tea on his breath and all he wants is to pull Louis in and kiss him. He turns his head. “Haz” It’s so broken and soft and Harry’s hand is itching by his side to reach out and touch but he has to restrain himself. “Was it something I did?” And no. He cannot have Louis thinking that this is his fault because it is not. Partly it is because Harry is in love with him but he didn’t do a fucking thing to make Harry this way. This was all his doing.

“No” He’s shaking his head finally turning back to catch glimpse of Louis’ head casted down. His soft fringe hiding his face. “It’s not your fault Lou” He touches and it feels unreal, Louis’ skin is soft and warm under his. Harry tips his head a bit forward so he can see his eyes. Gently he strokes the worn out skin under Louis’ eyes watching as the boy flutter them close.

“Then why did you leave?” It’s the first time as well they’re even acknowledging that day. The day that Harry left after the meeting, the day that everything changed. “I got home and you just wasn’t there.” His voice is barely above a whisper and if it wasn’t for their close proximity Harry would have missed it. “Sharon told me you had gone to LA and I just didn’t understand. I thought we were best friends Harry? I thought we told each other everything. I still do not know what’s bothering you and you don’t even try. If I didn’t come over here today then you wouldn’t have even attempted to talk to me.”

“It’s not tha-“

“No I don’t want you to tell me now that I’ve confronted you. I want to know only if you want to tell me that’s how it works Harry. I only came to let you know that you’re still my best friend Harry and you will always be my best friend.”

He’s gets up coyly and leaves. Harry still in the same spot trying to suffocate the retched feeling in his stomach.

 

…

In the next coming weeks things were quiet and Harry only suspects that it is simply because _she_ wasn’t around. Louis hung out a lot more with the boys and things almost seem like it did before.

They spoke of course they did but only on general things, A casual _Hi, Good morning, Wanna play FIFA?_ That sort of thing but never about the sizzling topic that’s just below the surface waiting to erupt. But it’s alright Harry catches himself smiling again and being himself, talking more and even making horrible jokes now and then. Louis lights up as usual, he was always the only one to appreciate them.

Niall was a bit elated when he saw how Louis and Harry were almost back to being the dynamic duo. Slowly but surely they went back to doing things they did, subtly, and everything fell into place.

The way they would sneak into the tour bus and steal Liam’s boxers and laugh when he has a crisis thinking it was the fans or using their made up sign language to get Niall soaked with cold water when he’s talking to the guards or even when Zayn prefers to be by himself and Louis and Harry wrestle him when he’s sleeping, hugging and squeezing him until he has no choice but to give in to them.

It’s nice but now, every touch and every smile makes Harry’s heart swell ten times bigger for this boy, it reminds Harry why he’s so in love with him and it gets overbearing when Harry cannot reciprocate those touches because he fears Louis would be able to tell. So for now he enjoys Louis’ company and his radiance and hides his emotions deep inside. It has to fade away some day and Harry just has to wait.

Harry is on his bed when the idea strikes him. He smiles remembering all the times him and Louis would go out together just the two of them and let loose. They’d forget everything but each other and Harry wanted to feel that way again.

After much consideration Louis eventually found his way back to Harry’s house. They fell back into their routine, Harry always up at the crack of dawn to fix Louis’ tea and make him breakfast. Still his distance shows sometimes when he hesitates to reach out and brush Louis’ fringe off his face or when his smile would fade when Louis touches his skin that sends sparks all throughout Harry’s body. They never speak of it though.

Sometimes Louis would bring _her_ around the house but only if the other boys are there as well, never when it’s just Harry. He thinks maybe Louis can see that he clearly doesn’t get along with his girlfriend.

One night Harry calls him on the phone even though he’s just in the other room. Harry chuckles when Louis mentions it lowering his voice and flopping on his stomach like a school girl with a crush.

“I know but isn’t it a bit more exciting?” Harry beams as he hears Louis breathe down the phone. He can tell Louis is not impressed.

“Would you just in here? Top gear is on and I really want to watch it and I can only do that if you’re here.” Harry smiles because even though he jokingly threatened Louis about watching a TV show without him he still held his end and promised that they would watch it together. It makes his heart palpitate against his chest. He just loves him so much.

“Wait I want to ask you something” He can practically picture Louis rolling his eyes which makes him smile even more.

“Go on then”

“We should go out tonight. Like old times. You and me, the clubs, let’s do it! Please Lou?” It’s rushed he knows because he’s trying to catch his breath and Louis is silent which makes his heart rate pick up even more that it was before.

Louis laughs all airy and perfect that it fills every quaking inch of Harry so that he relaxes. “Sure Haz. Should I get ready then? What time do you want to leave?”

“Anything that works for you. I’m super excited Lou! Remember when I told how I invented this drink the last time I was there? You have to try it and I know you’ll love it!” He gushes feeling his cheeks pain from how big he’s smiling. He finally has his best friend back and it feels so fucking good.

A couple minutes pass when Harry is done showering and by his closet trying to find the perfect outfit and is interrupted by a knock on the door. Something as simple as that kind of gets to him because before Louis never thought twice about entering his room unannounced and he was comfortable with Harry being the way he was naked or not but now he has to knock and he really doesn’t want to think heavily about that he knows tonight he was just supposed to have fun.

“Haz is it okay if El tags along? She hasn’t been to a club in a long time and she really wants to go. I can tell her no if it makes you uncomfortable.” Louis calls and it breaks every bone in Harry’s body. His face sinks into something bitter and nasty and he feels his skin itch. Of course she had to come, of course she had to spoil everything. He would be selfish if he did agree and told Louis that she did in fact make him uncomfortable and that he simply doesn’t want her there but Harry is anything but selfish. He weakly gives Louis the approval discarding the black jeans he knew Louis liked and opting to go for the faded ones that he finds rather unflattering. It’s no use trying to look good when he doesn’t exactly feel that way.

 _Tonight is to have fun,_ he keeps telling himself plastering a smile on his face and walking out the door to go meet Louis and his girlfriend in the living room.

 

**Author's Note:**

> As always you can find me on [tumblr](http://l0nelymisfit.tumblr.com/)


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